New Beginning, New Adventure

Looking back at when I started this documentation of my journey, my husband and I had just sold our house with nowhere to live. We released a lot. We left a home we had lived in for 5 years. We left the constant reminders that Thor was no longer there. When we would open the […]

Well This is Going to Hurt

My husband’s moving truck is here. I’m listening to the sounds of plastic wrap, footsteps, and a dolly while I sit locked away in my office. Looking out the window, I watch as pieces of our life from the past 10 years get loaded and packed away. Later today I’ll go pick up my own […]

You’re Safe Now, Little One

I’ve often commented that my trauma, my stress response, or my adrenaline response is to freeze. I don’t fight. I don’t run. I freeze. During a moment of internal reflection and meditation last night, I think I have a better understanding of what is happening when I freeze. At least, I’ve figured out a description […]

Let Go of the Outcome

My emotional intelligence and sense of self has come a long way. Still, I frustrate myself when I seem to take steps back. I never liked being in control. Being in control is scary. It has responsibility. And it is exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating when I’m trying to be in control, but I actually have […]

Be Vulnerable or Get Hurt

This year has been a whirlwind. My medications were dialed in, my therapy was going well enough, and the stress of having someone’s life in my hands was gone. Still. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. My chaotic tornado of thoughts and emotions lived up to its fullest potential. It’s pretty spectacular, really. Structure and […]

My Growing Concepts of Life and God

I just finished reading The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book was the right book for me right now. It seemed to bring together so many thoughts and little nuggets of inner knowing that I’ve had in my head for the past while and wrapped them up […]

Lessons of an Ignorant White Girl

After one of the weirdest years in history, after riots and injustice, after personal pain and loss, after a ridiculous election year that continues to tear people apart, and in the middle of a contested election… I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. It’s so easy to jump in the middle of […]

Step One: Accept the Thoughts

It’s hard to accept help. I’m not sure why. And it’s not all the time. Sometimes I’m completely opposite and I ask for help when I don’t need it. But my husband and I just had a situation where we spent a lot of money and a lot of time and effort on a futile […]

Hug Your Inner Child

I’m starting to realize how much my inner child needs healing. I clearly have negative and painful memories when it comes to my father. When my dad would wake up in the morning and wander out of his room, I would stay silent until I could scrutinize the way he walked and the expression on […]

Comparing Negative Traits

I found this writing prompt on a blog and looked at it for a long time: “If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: ________________.” Oof. Ok. Let’s do this. If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: I get irrationally irritable and […]