New Beginning, New Adventure

Looking back at when I started this documentation of my journey, my husband and I had just sold our house with nowhere to live. We released a lot. We left a home we had lived in for 5 years. We left the constant reminders that Thor was no longer there. When we would open the […]

Well This is Going to Hurt

My husband’s moving truck is here. I’m listening to the sounds of plastic wrap, footsteps, and a dolly while I sit locked away in my office. Looking out the window, I watch as pieces of our life from the past 10 years get loaded and packed away. Later today I’ll go pick up my own […]

You’re Safe Now, Little One

I’ve often commented that my trauma, my stress response, or my adrenaline response is to freeze. I don’t fight. I don’t run. I freeze. During a moment of internal reflection and meditation last night, I think I have a better understanding of what is happening when I freeze. At least, I’ve figured out a description […]

Let Go of the Outcome

My emotional intelligence and sense of self has come a long way. Still, I frustrate myself when I seem to take steps back. I never liked being in control. Being in control is scary. It has responsibility. And it is exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating when I’m trying to be in control, but I actually have […]

Step One: Accept the Thoughts

It’s hard to accept help. I’m not sure why. And it’s not all the time. Sometimes I’m completely opposite and I ask for help when I don’t need it. But my husband and I just had a situation where we spent a lot of money and a lot of time and effort on a futile […]

Hug Your Inner Child

I’m starting to realize how much my inner child needs healing. I clearly have negative and painful memories when it comes to my father. When my dad would wake up in the morning and wander out of his room, I would stay silent until I could scrutinize the way he walked and the expression on […]

Comparing Negative Traits

I found this writing prompt on a blog and looked at it for a long time: “If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: ________________.” Oof. Ok. Let’s do this. If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: I get irrationally irritable and […]

Shadow Work Part 2

This was an interesting exercise. It took a minute to get started, but then everything started to flow. It’s interesting to look at these lists and make connections between them. Now I’m going to go hug my inner child and let her know that she is love. She didn’t need love from anyone else. 🖤🤍🖤 […]

Dig Deeper Into the Hurt

If there is one thing that has angered me the most in the past few months, it would definitely be my dad’s Facebook posts. He probably has the same mindset and posts as a lot of conservatives from his generation, but why do his posts in particular make the heat rise on my face and […]

Breaking the Dam

Couples’ therapy shook up my life. Well, I started the process of shaking up my life when I made the poor decisions that led us to couples’ therapy. Deep down, I had always kind of known that I needed some help unpacking all of my emotional baggage. I even remember telling my husband that I […]