I Made A Mistake!

I’m training someone at work, a position that I have had less than a year, and a department that lacks any kind of training program or updates policies and procedures. After a complicated and rare case, my supervisor asked when my orientee and I would have time to chat about the case… and I panicked. […]

New Beginning, New Adventure

Looking back at when I started this documentation of my journey, my husband and I had just sold our house with nowhere to live. We released a lot. We left a home we had lived in for 5 years. We left the constant reminders that Thor was no longer there. When we would open the […]

Well This is Going to Hurt

My husband’s moving truck is here. I’m listening to the sounds of plastic wrap, footsteps, and a dolly while I sit locked away in my office. Looking out the window, I watch as pieces of our life from the past 10 years get loaded and packed away. Later today I’ll go pick up my own […]

You’re Safe Now, Little One

I’ve often commented that my trauma, my stress response, or my adrenaline response is to freeze. I don’t fight. I don’t run. I freeze. During a moment of internal reflection and meditation last night, I think I have a better understanding of what is happening when I freeze. At least, I’ve figured out a description […]

Let Go of the Outcome

My emotional intelligence and sense of self has come a long way. Still, I frustrate myself when I seem to take steps back. I never liked being in control. Being in control is scary. It has responsibility. And it is exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating when I’m trying to be in control, but I actually have […]

Fall, You Fickle Bitch

I’ve been ungrounded. Flighty, perhaps. Finding it difficult to name, own, and process my emotions. When my husband is overwhelmed, he goes into productivity mode. When I’m overwhelmed? Full burrito mode. Hence, almost all of his belongings are packed into boxes and stacked in the garage. He has a plan. He’s making things happen. Me? […]

Be Vulnerable or Get Hurt

This year has been a whirlwind. My medications were dialed in, my therapy was going well enough, and the stress of having someone’s life in my hands was gone. Still. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. My chaotic tornado of thoughts and emotions lived up to its fullest potential. It’s pretty spectacular, really. Structure and […]

The Trauma of Death and Dying

I need to start this post with a trigger warning. In this post, I am writing out my experience, trauma, and feelings surrounding the unexpected death of a friend. The themes of this post include death and dying, and includes visuals as they are a part of my trauma and need to be a part […]

My Growing Concepts of Life and God

I just finished reading The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book was the right book for me right now. It seemed to bring together so many thoughts and little nuggets of inner knowing that I’ve had in my head for the past while and wrapped them up […]

Lessons of an Ignorant White Girl

After one of the weirdest years in history, after riots and injustice, after personal pain and loss, after a ridiculous election year that continues to tear people apart, and in the middle of a contested election… I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. It’s so easy to jump in the middle of […]