I Made A Mistake!

I’m training someone at work, a position that I have had less than a year, and a department that lacks any kind of training program or updates policies and procedures. After a complicated and rare case, my supervisor asked when my orientee and I would have time to chat about the case… and I panicked. […]

New Beginning, New Adventure

Looking back at when I started this documentation of my journey, my husband and I had just sold our house with nowhere to live. We released a lot. We left a home we had lived in for 5 years. We left the constant reminders that Thor was no longer there. When we would open the […]

Well This is Going to Hurt

My husband’s moving truck is here. I’m listening to the sounds of plastic wrap, footsteps, and a dolly while I sit locked away in my office. Looking out the window, I watch as pieces of our life from the past 10 years get loaded and packed away. Later today I’ll go pick up my own […]

Let Go of the Outcome

My emotional intelligence and sense of self has come a long way. Still, I frustrate myself when I seem to take steps back. I never liked being in control. Being in control is scary. It has responsibility. And it is exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating when I’m trying to be in control, but I actually have […]

Be Vulnerable or Get Hurt

This year has been a whirlwind. My medications were dialed in, my therapy was going well enough, and the stress of having someone’s life in my hands was gone. Still. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. My chaotic tornado of thoughts and emotions lived up to its fullest potential. It’s pretty spectacular, really. Structure and […]

My Therapeutic Journey

I never wanted to go to therapy before. I knew that it was going to just open the flood gates and force me to break myself down in order to build myself up. In 2017 I started going to couples counseling. I had a couple one on one sessions as well. I cried during every […]

Your Healthcare Workers Are Tired

Yes. We’re tired. And not just tired because we are working long hours, forgoing our breaks in order to get everything done, and holding our pee while we run and grab you that “one last thing” you asked for. We’re not just tired because we’re physically lifting, turning, and supporting our patients so they can […]

Lessons of an Ignorant White Girl

After one of the weirdest years in history, after riots and injustice, after personal pain and loss, after a ridiculous election year that continues to tear people apart, and in the middle of a contested election… I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. It’s so easy to jump in the middle of […]

Grief and Guilt

It has been a big emotion type of day. My husband and I are now in our new home after being nomads for 5-6 weeks. We still have a lot to do. We don’t have about 90% of our belongings yet, so those will need to be moved in and unpacked as well. That doesn’t […]

Learned Shame and Blame

My parents tried their hardest. I truly believe they did the best they could with the knowledge and skills they had at the time. At the same time, there were a lot of lessons I wish I had learned during childhood. There are traits I wish I could have honed. My sisters and I were […]