I Made A Mistake!

I’m training someone at work, a position that I have had less than a year, and a department that lacks any kind of training program or updates policies and procedures. After a complicated and rare case, my supervisor asked when my orientee and I would have time to chat about the case… and I panicked. […]

You’re Safe Now, Little One

I’ve often commented that my trauma, my stress response, or my adrenaline response is to freeze. I don’t fight. I don’t run. I freeze. During a moment of internal reflection and meditation last night, I think I have a better understanding of what is happening when I freeze. At least, I’ve figured out a description […]

Be Vulnerable or Get Hurt

This year has been a whirlwind. My medications were dialed in, my therapy was going well enough, and the stress of having someone’s life in my hands was gone. Still. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. My chaotic tornado of thoughts and emotions lived up to its fullest potential. It’s pretty spectacular, really. Structure and […]

My Therapeutic Journey

I never wanted to go to therapy before. I knew that it was going to just open the flood gates and force me to break myself down in order to build myself up. In 2017 I started going to couples counseling. I had a couple one on one sessions as well. I cried during every […]

The Trauma of Death and Dying

I need to start this post with a trigger warning. In this post, I am writing out my experience, trauma, and feelings surrounding the unexpected death of a friend. The themes of this post include death and dying, and includes visuals as they are a part of my trauma and need to be a part […]

Grief and Guilt

It has been a big emotion type of day. My husband and I are now in our new home after being nomads for 5-6 weeks. We still have a lot to do. We don’t have about 90% of our belongings yet, so those will need to be moved in and unpacked as well. That doesn’t […]

Step One: Accept the Thoughts

It’s hard to accept help. I’m not sure why. And it’s not all the time. Sometimes I’m completely opposite and I ask for help when I don’t need it. But my husband and I just had a situation where we spent a lot of money and a lot of time and effort on a futile […]

Hug Your Inner Child

I’m starting to realize how much my inner child needs healing. I clearly have negative and painful memories when it comes to my father. When my dad would wake up in the morning and wander out of his room, I would stay silent until I could scrutinize the way he walked and the expression on […]

Comparing Negative Traits

I found this writing prompt on a blog and looked at it for a long time: “If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: ________________.” Oof. Ok. Let’s do this. If I’m honest, I have the same negative traits as my father. For example: I get irrationally irritable and […]

Shadow Work Part 2

This was an interesting exercise. It took a minute to get started, but then everything started to flow. It’s interesting to look at these lists and make connections between them. Now I’m going to go hug my inner child and let her know that she is love. She didn’t need love from anyone else. 🖤🤍🖤 […]