I Made A Mistake!

I’m training someone at work, a position that I have had less than a year, and a department that lacks any kind of training program or updates policies and procedures. After a complicated and rare case, my supervisor asked when my orientee and I would have time to chat about the case… and I panicked. […]

New Beginning, New Adventure

Looking back at when I started this documentation of my journey, my husband and I had just sold our house with nowhere to live. We released a lot. We left a home we had lived in for 5 years. We left the constant reminders that Thor was no longer there. When we would open the […]

Well This is Going to Hurt

My husband’s moving truck is here. I’m listening to the sounds of plastic wrap, footsteps, and a dolly while I sit locked away in my office. Looking out the window, I watch as pieces of our life from the past 10 years get loaded and packed away. Later today I’ll go pick up my own […]

You’re Safe Now, Little One

I’ve often commented that my trauma, my stress response, or my adrenaline response is to freeze. I don’t fight. I don’t run. I freeze. During a moment of internal reflection and meditation last night, I think I have a better understanding of what is happening when I freeze. At least, I’ve figured out a description […]

Let Go of the Outcome

My emotional intelligence and sense of self has come a long way. Still, I frustrate myself when I seem to take steps back. I never liked being in control. Being in control is scary. It has responsibility. And it is exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and frustrating when I’m trying to be in control, but I actually have […]

Fall, You Fickle Bitch

I’ve been ungrounded. Flighty, perhaps. Finding it difficult to name, own, and process my emotions. When my husband is overwhelmed, he goes into productivity mode. When I’m overwhelmed? Full burrito mode. Hence, almost all of his belongings are packed into boxes and stacked in the garage. He has a plan. He’s making things happen. Me? […]

Be Vulnerable or Get Hurt

This year has been a whirlwind. My medications were dialed in, my therapy was going well enough, and the stress of having someone’s life in my hands was gone. Still. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t enough. My chaotic tornado of thoughts and emotions lived up to its fullest potential. It’s pretty spectacular, really. Structure and […]

My Therapeutic Journey

I never wanted to go to therapy before. I knew that it was going to just open the flood gates and force me to break myself down in order to build myself up. In 2017 I started going to couples counseling. I had a couple one on one sessions as well. I cried during every […]

The Trauma of Death and Dying

I need to start this post with a trigger warning. In this post, I am writing out my experience, trauma, and feelings surrounding the unexpected death of a friend. The themes of this post include death and dying, and includes visuals as they are a part of my trauma and need to be a part […]

Your Healthcare Workers Are Tired

Yes. We’re tired. And not just tired because we are working long hours, forgoing our breaks in order to get everything done, and holding our pee while we run and grab you that “one last thing” you asked for. We’re not just tired because we’re physically lifting, turning, and supporting our patients so they can […]