This was an interesting exercise. It took a minute to get started, but then everything started to flow. It’s interesting to look at these lists and make connections between them. Now I’m going to go hug my inner child and let her know that she is love. She didn’t need love from anyone else. 🖤🤍🖤
20 Things I Hate About Myself
- I lack a clear set of boundaries
- I have trouble speaking directly
- I’m scared of strangers
- I assume everyone wants something from me
- I let fear control me
- I’m afraid of answering the phone/door
- My body
- My laziness
- My messiness
- My dependence
- Being too anxious to speak up, even when I want to scream something out. My heartrate can get up to the 140s while I battle it out in my head.
- My binge eating
- How I judge people
- I do things to make other people notice how “smart” or “nice” or “included” I am.
- Holding on to grudges going back YEARS
- Being disappointed in other people for not living up to he expectations I put on them
- I easily allow other people’s words or actions to make me second guess myself
- I can be a jerk, mainly to husband and for no reason at all. He doesn’t deserve that.
- Impulse buying
- Being ashamed of who I am
20 Things I Hate About This World
- Politics
- Pedophiles
- Narcissists
- Animal abuse
- Entitlement
- Unchecked patriotism
- Racism
- Sexual predators
- Hoarding wealth/food/necessities
- Healthcare as a business
- Society of litigation
- Those who preach “love” through hatred, shame, and neglect
- Lack of humility and human connection
- Lack of accountability for protected classes
- Keyboard warriors
- Lack of compassion for the “least” of us
- Gatekeepers
- Normalization of chauvinism, sexism, and “boys will be boys” mentality
- Normalization of bad or toxic relationships
- People are so quick to spew hate, condone violence, cast judgment, and create a “us vs them” mentality. We are all one.
20 Things I Hate About My Past
- Having to be hypersensitive to others’ emotions
- Not knowing how to get out of sexual situations when I no longer wished to participate
- Hurting my husband in the deepest way
- Getting in trouble for things that didn’t make sense
- Clinging to relationships/people that didn’t want to be in my life
- Spending so much time trying to figure out how to be someone that deserves love instead of just finding myself.
- Not being able to freely express myself in choices, clothes, appearance, or speech without having mean, snarky, or judgmental comments from my dad.
- Being witness to my sister’s pain and listening to her tales of sexual abuse without having a safe adult to go to
- Trying to navigate inconsistent reactions to my actions
- Being taught “lessons” that made no sense
- Having parents that smoked in the car/house and being an asthmatic
- The weekend I lived in the recliner because I couldn’t breathe despite using my inhalers and my dad said, “It’s going to cost $50 to go to urgent care. Do you REALLY need to go?” I cried. I couldn’t eat or breathe. And crying made it worse.
- Getting yelled at in the car because my sister and I had our coat sleeves around our mouths, trying to breathe in air from our winter coats instead of the smoke in the car. “What is wrong with you?!”
- Being talked about negatively to my face so that my dad could look “cool” in front of my uncle.
- Getting in trouble for not being able to hold onto a large dog on a leash as a child.
- Not being allowed to develop friendships and relationships freely
- Always being lectured instead of having a conversation and having a voice
- Not feeling like I was my own person
- Being taught by my mom to just deal with my dad’s mood swings and irrationality
- Living with roommates that judged me by the brand of ketchup or toothpaste I bought. Friends who told me that I “had a real job now, it’s time to buy some real furniture”.
Lunar Lilies 